A Million Saviors

Freedom is a much more interesting and complex thing than I ever assumed it to be. I am so lucky to live in a place in which I can get past the physical or worldly understanding of freedom and turn my focus to spiritual freedom. I ponder all day long on larger than life ideas about existence, the universe, the cosmos, energy, the heavens, the gods, the god, the I, outer space, inner space, and anything intangible. The U.S. is one of the few places on this Earth that I am free to not work and to sit and think for as long as I want. I am lucky and more grateful than I was when I started writing this.

I listened to the fireworks through my open kitchen window last night instead of going to a big display. I heard the first one and then another and another and by the fourth or fifth I realized that some people hear loud explosions like this every day from their open kitchen windows. I stood there in the dark and pictured myself as a child in a war torn country, listening to bombs and guns outside every night, and being used to it. I can and have walked by myself in Skid Row, downtown Los Angeles late at night and I knew I would be all right. That might be the most dangerous thing I can think of in my current reality, then I remember that there are people that are terrified to walk out of their own front doors, and with reason.

When I started writing this I chose the title “The Land of Excess”. I had some ideas about freedom being a big responsibility, how it takes a lot to understand the true nature of freedom, what to do with that freedom, but I got lost inside my own perspective. Who am I? I was going to write about gas stations being filled with food, candy, drink, tobacco, lotto tickets; kids screaming for more while standing on a mountain of toys; drugs being used recreationally on a Tuesday night; etc. I can do whatever I want and so can anyone else who is here. I know what works for me and instinctively I sometimes think what works for me will work for everyone else. I got lost inside my own perspective.

It has taken me working hard my whole life to feel free spiritually and so now I understand its worth and I am so grateful, but I feel so rare in my pursuit. I have never had to work to be free physically. I have never had to live in a place with real threats. I have never even been in a physical altercation. Any time that I have been hurt, it has been emotionally only, and for that I am so lucky. People died so I could live a life in which my only my feelings would be hurt. Somebody died for my feelings. A lot of somebodies. I have had a million saviors.

It is easy to talk bad about the U.S.A. because we are allowed to talk bad about it. I know that it is necessary for the people to make their voice known so we can continue to live in a land where we are allowed to make our voices known. It feels so strange to sit here and write this as if I’m validating the idea that someone can “own” land or that the way I live my life is based on what the government allows me to do — allows me to do — uuck, that makes me want to puke — but that is the truth of it. In my head I can be free forever, even if my body was held prisoner for the rest of my life on Earth, but I have only ever known what it is like to be free physically.

Do those who are not physically free feel that their souls are free? Can they reach enlightenment? Do they find peace? What is their experience meant to teach them?

I think the Earth will exist long enough for us to come together. I think we are seeing now more than ever that we are all the same and we will only continue to progress in this thought. Progress seems to always prevail. I think the fastest way for us to come together will be when the human race becomes aware of a species more intelligent than us. We find unity in our various groups (be it religious, ethnic, national, or simply personality types), but what about the day when these subgenres become obsolete and we are truly united as human god-spirit beings.

If this finds its way to any extraterrestrial life force, hi again and would love to chat. I’m close to the desert where you can land in Los Angeles, CA, or you know how else to find me. But now back to Earth. Back to the U.S. There is nowhere I would rather be on this planet than right here in this time and this exact spot. I almost cry thinking about it. I could if I thought about it more. I believe that I, you, all are wherever we are based on our spirit’s karmic agreements and what we need to learn, but I am now more than ever really thrilled and grateful for this chunk of land and my place in it. I get it. Love you.

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