On God and Woman

I find the term feminism to be counterintuitive… I am equal beyond my gender because my gender is irrelevant. Your car is not better than my truck, your house is not better than my apartment, your male body is not better than my female body–they are different things. They are just things. They are not who we are. They are different things that contain us, that we live inside of, but they are things and they are not who we are. We are not our containers.

I’m spending some time in the midwest/past with my family before I head back to the west coast and it’s always an emotional rollercoaster. It gets tiring having to explain myself for cutting my hair short, not wearing make-up, not shaving my legs, and doing whatever I want because here that does not seem to be okay. Although, I’m still doing all of those things, I just can’t do it without being ridiculed. I know people in California liked me better when I had long hair, make-up, smooth legs, and when I was trying to please everyone else, they just don’t remind me of it every day. If they did, I would stop talking to them, but that’s not how family works.

I went to church with my mom and brothers this morning–it was the first time since Christmas. My interpretation of Jesus is different than the Bible’s and therefore the church’s. I heard about people worshipping Jesus, servants washing his feet, prostitutes kissing his feet and wiping them with their hair… perhaps this was the early stages of foot fetishism. My understanding of Jesus is a person who found the God and power within himself and was trying to teach others to do the same. My Jesus did not require worship and did not think he was better than anyone else.

This Jesus that I heard about at church today, would he tell me that it is my place to devote my life to men who don’t appreciate me? Would he tell me that it is my destiny to cook, clean, and serve men who like to poke fun at me while I do it? Would he tell me that because I was born in this body, I am less than he is? That I was born a servant and that’s how I have to live? How different would this world be if Jesus was a woman?

A realization that I have had about feminine and masculine energies is that it is feminine to be selfless and masculine to be selfish. I am a selfish woman. There are times when I am selfless and times when I long to be more selfless, but I find that a selfless woman is the easiest person to take advantage of and I don’t take too kindly to manipulation or under-appreciation. I’m not a slave and I don’t want to be. I am smart, capable, and my gender does not define me. My Jesus would think the same.

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