The Nature/Nurture Blur

We could all sit around and blame every single bad thing in our lives on parents… just like we could blame every single bad thing in our lives on anything. ¬†Parents are an easy scapegoat. ¬†We are all little versions of our parents after all, sometimes acting as avatars playing the part that mom or…

Speaking Softly And Slowing Down

I once had a co-worker who told me that my first instinct in any situation was to panic. I didn’t know what he meant–it was such a natural reaction that I could not see that I was the only person around me acting in such a manner. I was a bossy kid and that bled…

On God and Woman

I find the term feminism to be counterintuitive… I am equal beyond my gender because my gender is irrelevant. Your car is not better than my truck, your house is not better than my apartment, your male body is not better than my female body–they are different things. They are just things. They are not…

I Don’t Want To Shave My Legs

I came to Southern Illinois from Southern California just as I was. I have had a rough few years–this year especially–and was glad to feel like I was crossing the finish line triumphantly as my mother told me that she was really proud of me and ecstatic about my current being, in so many words……

Recurring Abandonment Dreams

Last night I had another dream about being abandoned by the same person I have dreamed about being abandoned by for the past year and a half. This is the only person I can recall having abandonment dreams about. We were at a party and most of what I can remember is from me watching…

Nonrecreational Sex

I haven’t had sex since December 2016, so seven months. I’m currently tied for the longest break I have taken from it in the 11 years that I’ve been sexually active. Both times that I stopped have been because of a feeling. I started because of a thought and I didn’t understand what I was…

A Million Saviors

Freedom is a much more interesting and complex thing than I ever assumed it to be. I am so lucky to live in a place in which I can get past the physical or worldly understanding of freedom and turn my focus to spiritual freedom. I ponder all day long on larger than life ideas…